My sister met her boyfriend about 6 years ago. He was a few years older and her first serious boyfriend and relationship. My parents highly encouraged her to not see him after finding out that in his past relationship and marriage, he verbally and physically abused his ex-wife. My sister felt like that was hearsay and didn’t want to listen to them.
The first time I heard that he hit her was very early in their relationship. My sister was a college student, and he would come to visit her on the weekends. One of her roommates would keep me updated as to what was going on and told me that my sister and her boyfriend were hanging out in the common area, talking and joking around, when out of nowhere he hit her. When I discussed this with my sister she just shrugged it off and said, “He was joking.”
I have witnessed him verbally abuse her and control her throughout the years. On a trip home to visit family during a family emergency, I stayed with them for the weekend. My family was heading to see another family member for the afternoon and he had to work. I watched as he yelled at her because she would be away when it was his dinner time and she couldn’t bring him dinner. I remember him saying to her that she was never around when he needed her to be, always made plans with family, and never helped him out. Food for dinner was within his reach. He had three places to choose from within walking distance. We had to cut our time short with our family members to bring him the specific food he requested because she was afraid he would be mad at her and didn’t want to cause a fight.
Recently, they had a son together, my handsome nephew. I believe my sister thought that having a child together would fix things, but that has not been the case. I received a phone call, a few weeks ago, from my mom asking to borrow some money. My sister and her boyfriend got into an argument. He grabbed her cell phone and threw it against a wall, smashing the screen and breaking the phone to the point that it wouldn’t turn on. He proceeded to leave the house and took my nephew with him, telling my sister that she was not a good mother and didn’t deserve to have their son. My sister was devastated and for once took my advice and went to stay with my parents (after getting her son back), but she only stayed for a weekend.
I believe my sister feels that he is the only man that will love her and want to be with her, and she can’t see that she is worthy of so much more. I witnessed verbal abuse while growing up and vowed that I would not tolerate that in my relationship. As a sibling witnessing this, it truly breaks my heart. I have offered advice and sent money to fix something that never should have needed fixing. I am afraid that one day it will get much worse.
Seeing my sister go through this makes me feel sad and helpless. I can only say so much because I am sure she sees it as me lecturing her. I want for her to see what people on the outside of the situation see, and I hope that one day she will see that she is surrounded with love and support.
