My next DVAM guest blogger, Jennifer Foxworthy, is a powerful motivational speaker, prolific blogger, television show host of Living Unshackled on Purpose, as well as corporate trainer for the College of Southern Maryland. Her business mission is to help others find their personal peace, purpose, and power through sharing her journey, the good, the bad, and the ugly. I have been so blessed to meet such an inspirational woman.
I completed 21.7 years of faithful service in the military. I had an amazing career but it was not without its challenges of knocking down racial barriers and stereotypes as an African American woman in the elite group of Naval Aircrewmen. While I was dealing with a professional war in a male dominated industry, I was also facing a personal war in a violent partner, service member on service member ordeal. I believe that I was better prepared to be a prisoner of war than to deal with domestic violence. I suffered in silence and I can only imagine with the staggering statistics, how many more of our service members, especially women, are dealing with the same thing. Ultimately, I want to be the face of help for the problem and assist our military leaders in having an open dialogue with their service members to find solutions. Not only that, parents, educators, as well as religious leaders, need to be aware that domestic violence knows no boundaries.
The first four years of my Naval career, I was an Ocean Systems Technical Analyst (OTA). My job entailed detecting, localizing and tracking enemy submarines. One of my greatest accomplishments was graduation from the Naval Aircrew Candidate training in Pensacola, Florida in 1995. I was one of the first African-American females to complete this training in over five years. I flew in combat missions in support of three wars: Kosovo, Afghanistan, and Iraq; logged over 3700 flight hours and received four Air Medals. I changed my focus in the military to Active Duty welfare and completed the Substance Abuse and Rehabilitation Program School in Point Loma, California in 2010. I was a certified Alcohol and Drug Counselor (ADCI); expertly managed over 119 drug and alcohol abuse/dependency cases; facilitated 212 hours of Early Education and Awareness classes; conducted 490 hours of therapy sessions that fostered successful drug and alcohol abuse/dependency recovery plans. I earned numerous personal achievements and awards including Outstanding Military Person of the Year; 2007 Naval Air Station Whidbey Island Sea Sailor of the year; 2 Navy and Marine Corps Commendation Medals; five Navy and Marine Corps Achievement, Apprenticeship as an Electronics Mechanic and received an Associate of Science Degree in Business Administration from Columbia College of Missouri.
Many wonder how it was possible for a woman with so many worthy accomplishments could find herself in an abusive relationship. To be honest, I always thought domestic violence was something for poor, weak women. I was naïve to the fact that abuse comes in many forms. However, there was nothing that could have prepared me for the personal battle that I would gradually find myself in with my ex-boyfriend. It was hard for me to admit that a courageous and independent woman I saw myself to be, would find herself in a mentally, emotionally, and physically abusive nightmare for five years.
Reflecting on my past and trying to make sense of how in the world did I end up in a horrible epidemic, the main culprit was low self-esteem and low self-worth. I did not realize, the low self-esteem I thought I had suppressed from being bullied in high school, manifested itself in all the poor choices of relationships where I carelessly longed for love and acceptance. Unfortunately, I stayed so long because I felt alone and ashamed.
Eventually, through a long journey of self-reflection, healing, restoration, and ultimately forgiveness, has gotten me to where I am today. This four-phase process is necessary for overcoming any traumatic experience such as sexual assault, child abuse, and domestic violence to name a few. I am proud to say that I am a survivor, but more importantly, a thriver. There is a distinct difference. A survivor may have physically escaped the abuse but struggle mentally and emotionally to pick up the pieces. A thriver, on the other hand, has gone through the process of rediscovering life in all that it has to offer and has found purpose from the pain. This is why I can courageously and unapologetically share my story with you. I pray my story will inspire someone to take the necessary steps to get help. I now enjoy a life with positive people to include, but not limited to, a wonderful husband, Thomas; a five-year-old son Noah, and my three stepchildren– Josh, Laura, and Matt.
Jennifer Foxworthy retired as a Chief Petty Officer (E-7). She is the Founder of Inspirationally Speaking, LLC and the Unstoppable You Women’s Conference. To read more about Jennifer’s story, get your copy of her published book, Tomorrow My Sunshine Will Come: Memoirs of Women Who Survived Domestic Violence. It is available in ebook or paperback through major distribution channels.