Life is about choices. We make them every day of our lives. Whether it’s choosing what flavor latte to drink, an outfit to wear, or a financial plan, the choices we make in the moment will always have an effect (large or small) on the next minute, hour, or year. Sometimes, many take for granted the things that truly matter in life and disregard the small choices that may have an impact on life. It’s extremely easy to get caught up in the routine of events and to-do lists that in all actuality aren’t of great importance, but because of the choices made, we feel obligated to follow through which can result in neglecting what should be more of a priority. Last month, I had the opportunity to serve married individuals during the Fighting for Marriage Alone Empowerment Experience. I’d like to say something about the participants’ choices to attend the event on a Saturday afternoon, but first, let me explain what this event was all about.
Let’s begin with the title. Why ALONE? Well, most marriage enrichment opportunities are designed for couples. This is a great thing. However, many couples are in situations in which one spouse is not interested in attending these types of events. They may feel there isn’t a need, they may be uncomfortable in those types of settings, or perhaps they are simply unable to attend because of another obligation. This may leave the other participant unable to attend. Another reason I chose to offer an event for one half of two is, truth be told, sometimes one is the only one in the marriage fighting for it. Let’s be honest, a couple on the verge of divorce doesn’t wake up one morning, happily married, and mutually come to an agreement to divorce because they just feel it’s been long enough and would like to try something new. Usually, one person first makes the decision to drop the bomb on the relationship. Where does that leave the one wishing what they just heard was a bad dream? Usually, a frantic response to try to salvage what most likely had been in trouble for a while but the couple chose to ignore it.
Let me go ahead and list some common thought:
- It takes two.
- You can’t force someone to stay in a relationship.
- If only one is fighting, It’ll never work.
- You deserve to be happy.
There are more, but let’s stick with these for now.
I won’t go in depth to address these. We did that during the workshop. However, although there is some truth in the above statements, let me just say it only takes one to change the dynamic of a relationship. Isn’t that already proven when ONE dropped the D-Bomb?
The Fighting for Marriage Alone Empowerment Experience was for ANY individual who wanted to learn how to effectively focus on one’s own thoughts and behavior rather than focusing on what another is or is not doing. Our behaviors in relationships tend to be that of pointing out what we think another person needs to change when dissatisfaction sets in. The seminar focused on the only thing an individual has control of.
Now let me just praise the participants for their attendance! They chose to attend this 4-hour event, on a Saturday afternoon, when others thought that was too long on a beautiful Saturday afternoon to miss out on other activities. Of course, I can’t expect everyone to be interested in this type of event and many have other obligations. Still, let’s not ignore the fact that we make time for what matters at the moment. This is not to say marriage doesn’t matter to others, but we make our own daily choices. Plus, don’t most agree that actions speak louder than words? The attendees consisted of those that are happily married, separated, struggling, and even single participants. What better time to gain some tools than BEFORE you need to use them! I mean who likes to have to run to the home improvement store in the middle of a home improvement project. I love that my husband has a collection of tools in his garage. I wonder if he loves that I have a collection of relationship tools in my toolbox. 
I am pleased to say the feedback was not only very positive, but most comments included, “It needs to be longer.” I have to agree that 4 hours went by extremely fast, and I had so much more I could have shared (Side note; If I do one next year, there WILL be more). We had so much fun! I even received a message from the wife of an attendee stating her husband came home and talked about it for over an hour! The point is, these people chose to do something that would benefit their marriage, and they were pleased to have made their choice. Like a maintenance schedule for a vehicle, a marriage should matter enough to periodically do a tune-up. Just like it’s unwise to wait until your car breaks down to get any maintenance done, waiting until a marriage is on the verge of divorce will present with much more than a need to just date again. Due to the choice of attending this event, I am pleased to say each participant left feeling empowered no matter what their future holds.
There are other opportunities for marriage enrichment, and I encourage everyone to periodically benefit from a variety of different ones. Choose to make time for something much more important than a hair appointment, soccer game, or wine festival, apply what you learn, and your choice just could be one of the things that helps provide a fulfilling future. Choose love.
I can’t end without thanking the sponsors who contributed to the success of this event! Sponsors make it happen!
A huge THANK YOU to Blondie’s Sweet Shop, Dani Feret at First Command Financial Services, Meet Play Learn, Scott Ferguson from Caliber Home Loans, and Mary Kay Consultant Mendy Huff.
