Gym’s become crowded and membership sales increase. Shopping carts are filled with organic produce and protein powder. Entrepreneurs revamp marketing plans and create new products and services. It’s January, the time of year many are motivated to claim new goals. Vision boards are made and displayed, and plans to accomplish those goals are put into action. Self-care goals are a wise priority, but then what? Does business come next? Is anybody writing a vision and making a plan for marriage rejuvenation? It’s great to have academic and business goals, but we should never compromise our families to become who we strive to be as a professional. There are all kinds of courses, coaching programs, and planners designed to facilitate steps towards the desired outcome by the end of the year. So, let’s talk about a few ideas for marriage. I will not call it a “New Years marriage resolution”. Instead, let us call it a Marital Growth Plan, and any couple can begin the first day of their marriage rather than waiting until the first day of the year.
The vision: My Uncle Stan and his wife celebrated their sixty-fifth wedding anniversary this past summer. Yes, sixty-five whole years! They retired in the Caribbean and have a life full of everyday fun, and the proof is in the daily Facebook photos Uncle Stan is tagged in partying like they are about 45 years old. Yes, I know Facebook doesn’t tell all, but a life with no job and mimosas on the beach every week says enough. Does this vision seem appealing to you? It may, or it may not. You may have another vision. It’s not about where they live, or what they have either; it’s about the “togetherness” and love they share.
How would you like your marriage to be during your twilight years? Do you have an example that describes such? This is a long-term goal.
Now break this down a bit. What do you want your marriage to look like when children finish college, high school, middle school, or elementary? Maybe you don’t have any children, but plan to. What do you want your marriage to be like after the birth of your first child? It doesn’t matter how great your relationship is now; Trials WILL come. NOW is the time to build it, not just because it’s the first of the year, but why not? We are all motivated and excited about everything else. So, why not in regards to something matters most…. or does it? After God and self, the family should be our biggest priority. Therefore, just like this is the season to make plans for every other aspect of our lives, it should also be a reason to focus on building our relationships.
Here are tips to consider for 2017 and beyond:
- Create a family mission statement. Your place of employment has one. If you’re an entrepreneur you have one. If you are just starting your own company, I bet that’s one of the first things you came up with other than a name. How many of us actually have one for our homes? Write a declaration that describes the values and direction for your family’s purpose. You can even make it an art project.
- Think about where the two of you would like to be, as a couple, at the end of the year? Be specific, and write it down. Hang it somewhere visible to see daily.
- Assess your NOW. What lines up with the mission statement and what doesn’t? Write those down. Eliminate what doesn’t, and continue what does.
- What should be added? What would you both like more of? This takes communication to fully understand each other’s needs. Most likely, they may be a little different. Then discuss how to meet those needs.
Find a marriage mentor. Having a couple who is also committed to making marriage matter who is trustworthy, and willing to advise, may help guide during certain times. It may be wise to choose a couple whose family values are similar to yours.
- Practice marital enrichment. Don’t make this marital plan all work and no play. Schedule enrichment activities throughout the year. Now is a great time to plan a vacation, schedule a marriage retreat, and find new activities for weekends and date nights.
These may be steps to consider prior to making other plans. We don’t want to fill our calendar up with tasks and events for everything else leaving minimal time for husbands and wives. Quality time should not only be in front of the television. Things that build a relationship are intentional acts requiring some thought. Otherwise, it remains the same and more vulnerable during difficult or unexpected situations. So, make sure your new planner shows that you are committed to making marriage matter.
Leslie Cristea
