When I retired from the military, I was questioning my calling. Although all signs were pointing towards helping others restore marital relationships, I questioned myself, “Who are you to tell people anything about this topic? Why should anyone listen to you?”
The reason I felt I was unqualified was because I never had much of a proper example. For one, my parents were never married, and my mother’s relationships didn’t last too long. Second of all, I was divorced. Thirdly, I was struggling in my second marriage.
So, how did I end up turning things around and becoming so good at helping others do the same? The first thing that helped…education. I’m not just talking about my psychology degree. The educational journey in life’s experiences is interesting.
-Contrary to what most would think, I was very shy as a child. My mother, enrolled me in many programs and I loved the arts. I played instruments, danced, sang, modeled, and acted in front of audiences throughout my childhood. As a young adult, I was disappointed in myself for not continuing to develop in any of those areas. I often wondered about how it would be if I had perfected skills in at least one of those areas. I quit them all and thought, “What a quitter!” What I thought would label me a quitter, was only meant to give me a voice.
-I joined the Navy and married young. While fighting for my country, I was also fighting for love, respect, my individuality and safety every day I went home. I learned the difference between charisma and character as I was married to the man who turned out to be my abuser. What many though would destroy me, taught me how to fight.
-When I married the second time, Although 5 years together preceded our wedding, after just one year, I soon learned, the hard way, what it truly took to make a marriage work. What I thought I would fail, God used to teach my HOW to love.
Now, I use my VOICE to help others FIGHT by teaching others how to LOVE even when it looks beyond repair. However, it was not my plan.
The signs:
1. I was in a masters degree program, and during one of my favorite classes, Organizational Behavior, we were having a class discussion that led to a student approaching me after class. The discussion somehow led to his personal situation within his marriage. Well, without all the details, let’s just say the semester ended with this same individual telling me, “Thank you for helping to keep a marriage together.” I was perplexed, for I had no idea I had any impact.
2. I was helping a real estate client buy his first home. It was then that I learned he had been separated for a year and lawyers were drawing up divorce papers. Not only was he and his wife living separately, she was across the country and relocating to another state with a new partner. I spent the entire home buying process coaching this man on relationship restoration. I don’t even know why or how! Again, without all the details in between, his wife attended the closing and they, along with their daughter, moved into the new home together.
Now, for the record, I can’t take credit for any of the above. I had no idea what I was doing at the time! However, it became more and more apparent what I was meant to do. I surrendered to this, but I still didn’t make any intentional moves towards a career in this area.
3. I ended up gaining employment at an organization in which it was my responsibility to provide education and training to military personnel on numerous leadership and life skills topics. Guess which one I was put in charge of! A program called Building Healthy Relationships! Here’s where I fell in love with coaching, education and training, as well as seeing the results and positive transformations.
I still can’t take any credit for any of it. God is amazing! He truly uses us to send messages to others, and he qualifies us and equips us with the necessary tools to help one another. He restores, and we are His instruments.
I not only helped hundreds of others, I practiced what I preached as I learned how to really love. I couldn’t wait to share with any and everyone! I learned what most do wrong when things get really tough, and I learned what could turn it all around. See some of it here in my 10 Tips for Relationship Restoration.
Anyone can become an instrument of restoration for his/her marriage or someone else’s.
Leslie
